AATKIÉLI

always with me, my child

who has never been materialized.

 

by: Myka Engels

 

Twenty-three years ago I was pregnant. After about 7 or 8 weeks I felt unwell. I was doing some tasks at my practice and I felt nauseous. The moment I wanted to vomit, there was a horrible pain in my belly, which stopped me from vomiting. 

Immediately we knew: “ this is not right”. A few hours later I had surgery on an extrauterine pregnancy. Firstly I shall talk about my physical experiences and secondly about my energetic and spiritual experiences.

After the surgery I had lost a baby that had developed in one of my fallopian tubes. And I gained a huge suture/scar. It is almost impossible to describe what went through me. My body was preparing for the creation of a new human being and this was ended in a very brutal way. The physical pain after that is bearable. The emotional, hormonal and physic pain is very difficult to deal with.

 

Three years later I was pregnant again. I was totally happy and went immediately for a check-up with my gynaecologist. After about 7 or 8 weeks I had loss of blood. It seemed that the pregnancy ended spontaneously, but again it was an extrauterine pregnancy. This time they removed my other and last fallopian tube. Immediately after this surgery I was furious. I thought it incredibly unjust and felt enormously abandoned.

So now I was without fallopian tubes and could not become pregnant the normal way. My husband and I started the procedure of test tube fertilization. That means I had to inject myself with hormones every day. After a few weeks I started to feel like a reproduction cow. My thoughts were very black and white:

“ Will it succeed? “

“ Will it fail? “ 

These thoughts kept creeping up on me.

The treatment was exciting and they transferred 4 fertilized eggs. The blood tests showed an increase of pregnancy hormones……….Hurray it succeeded! 

Some 7 weeks later there was a change in my energy system. ‘Something’ that was present with me, was no longer there. I was quite calm and expected to start bleeding. But that did not happen.

Two weeks later again there was a change in my energy system and now I started bleeding. The gravidity had ended. In this last pregnancy 2 of the transferred eggs were fertilized. One egg stopped growing and later on the other one stopped growing as well.

 

Next question:  “Are we going to do this again? “

Fortunately my husband, now ex-husband, supported me in all these periods and gave me a free choice in the decision making.

My mental state of mind was not ready to go through with the same treatments with hormones for test tube fertilization. If you have I wish to become parents, it’s very difficult to accept when that wish will not be granted. Every time I was pregnant, it ended around 7 to 9 weeks. This happened three times. With the first 2 pregnancies I could think: The egg was ‘stuck’ in the tube and that’s why it ended. 

After the 3rd time I couldn’t think the same. These two eggs had been growing in my uterus and had stopped growing as well. 

I had lots of conversations and consultations on this process of loss. I started to paint intuitively and later on I started to sing. These creative competences were the entrance to my spiritual path. 

I realized that the failure of my pregnancies opened something: 

to meet ‘nature’ and also to meet ‘the invisible’ such as music and the expression of emotions through painting.

I discovered that at certain places on earth I had a ‘wow’ feeling as if the energy is stronger or more pure, like at Macchu Picchu in Peru.

I started to meditate and was more aware of the space around myself.

The lack of children, was a topic in my every day life.

During a journey, I was attracted to a spiritual grandmother. She took me aside and told me the information she received:

“ You were pregnant with souls from another planet. You also came from that planet and over there you were their mother as well. This planet is on a much higher energy frequency than the earth is in right now. 

Through your pregnancies, you have pulled them towards earth. That is very very important for them. They needed this for their experience of participating on Earth. Because the energy frequency of earth is very low, they could not stay materialized that long. 

They are very grateful that you have done this for them. One of the souls is very very sorry that it did not succeed. This soul would have loved to have the experience of being a human together with you. 

 

These children are always with you ethereally. “

When she told me this, my whole body was sparkling. Later I learned that when I have this feeling, truth is spoken.

This knowledge helped me immensely on my path. Suddenly it has a significance:  The pain of not being able to create children could be transformed. Now there is an opening to contact ‘my children’, who are always with me ethereally. 

For years I burned 4 candles in special candles holders. On special days and occasions I burned these candles. In my imagination these 4 candles where my 4 children. 

 

After my divorce this ritual was a secret between me and my children. Later on I could share it with people dear to me. 

After the insight the grandmother gave me, I felt lighter and also more appreciated. Lots of feelings I have had before, could settle down.

This summer I made a journey to Mongolia in the company of Monique 

( the editor of this magazine ). We talked a lot and also about this story. 

Monique asked me: “ Did you name your children?”

Long ago I had given them a name, but unfortunately, I did not remember them.

Monique:” They really want to have a name and they also like to be more spoken to and seen.”

 

While I’m writing this down, the wind starts to blow. I now realize: 

“This morning, everywhere I walked the wind started to blow a little and then I got the inspiration to write down this story.

Thank you very much dear children, you are blowing towards me.”

 A few days after this conversation with Monique we were visiting a 

Buddhist monastery. We made us feel very welcome and we were allowed to take pictures everywhere. There I found a nice place where I could sit in silence and the names of my children just came to me:

Aatkiéli, Romobed, Safrana, Bára

 

I was so very happy !!

I know that Aatkiéli is always with me. This spirit is the one that really wanted to incarnate on earth. My feeling tells me that Aatkiéli came to earth in the second pregnancy.

Romobed came in the first pregnancy and Safrana and Bára in the last.

Safrana is the only one of the 4 who is sometimes present and sometimes not. Not really gone, but just not always present.

Monique really loves the names.  “They are a little alien” she says. 

The previous day we met a person who writes in Old Mongolian script. 

We had our names and names of some loved ones written down. Monique asked: “ Why don’t you have the names of your children written down?”

I have them in a frame now:

Aatkiéli,  Romobed,    Safrana,  Bára

Myka
Myka

Marcella
Liefde

AATKIÉLI_1834

AATKIÉLI_1833

AATKIÉLI

Klik op het menu voor inhoud en andere functies.

Gebruik de pijlen aan de zijkant om door het magazine te bladeren.
Loading ...