After 23 years I had to leave my husband and shortly after my job because my soul wanted to be heard. In my case I could not do this when I continued my marriage and my job at Fortis. I could not ignore any longer my calling and also I did not want to. I could finally follow my path and do what I came to do. In a coca reading with an Inca shaman, he saw that I would meet a man from a different nationality with the same vibration. This was an exciting idea of course for I was going to Hawaii and New Zealand for 7 weeks. This long journey would be a personal journey in which I would make even more contact with my soul. In my imagination I saw myself meeting one of the many tough New Zealanders. On my first day on Hawaii I was introduced to a Swiss man. I felt as if I knew him all my life or maybe I knew him from a previous life. In the meantime, I knew from experience, that you do not just meet people. You meet people to work out something or to cooperate with them. Most of the time on this beautiful island I spent with this man. I was not in love with him but it felt very familiar. When I left for New Zealand I did not hear anything from him. I felt, however, that we were not done yet. This was confirmed in a dream I had. Being back in The Netherlands I conquered my pride and sent him an email in which I would appear very vulnerable. It seemed like there was a switch in him, because he called me and I felt the same vibration that I felt on Hawaii. He came to Amsterdam and we had a great weekend where I really felt a deep love for him. I also felt that we could grow together in this, for me, special relationship. We had great conversations. Finally (I had met a man who understood me. I admired his communicating with dolphins and whales and his passion for photography. I really thought that it was a pity to witness  that he did not live his passion and stayed in his job for 80 hours a week. However, the third time we saw each other for a weekend, this time in Switzerland, I felt things were different. The beautiful similarity I saw between us had gone. Earthly matters possessed us and I experienced how he wanted to keep everything under control - even me. His spiritual ideas turned into survival scenarios and I saw a deep layer of fear and anger. It was so different from what I had imagined. I was disappointed. I thought that I finally had found a man with whom I could share both earthly and spiritual matters. I found discovered that he does not live what he stands for. I spent the entire weekend trying to ignore my indefinable feelings and the voice that said ' This way you will leave your path and your self again, do you really want that”? He of course felt the same way but he doesn’t express his feelings by communicating anymore.

When I did my shopping I asked for a short consultation with a medium on the street. The energy of my father came in straight away. The first card I got said ' Disappointment ', the second card 'Failure ', the third card 'Success ' and ' the fourth card ‘The High Priestess '. So he was a gift. I had already heard this twice before. I was only thinking of a different kind of gift, but as I write more and more often it is always different how you think it will be. He was the gift; the last remnant of disappointment and failure that my Father unconsciously triggered in me. I was so grateful that I had gone through this to be successful and to become the High Priestess. I also know more than ever before that I should not expect anything. When I have my longings which are emotions I can ask the source to fullfill these longings, so I do need to project it on any relationship I want to have. I should apologize to this man that I expected something he couldn’t give which would have been okay. Would I ever meet him again?