GOD IS NEVER LATE ...... BUT NEVER EARLY EITHER

by: Erica de Kat Angelino

This catching phrase is in fact the title of a book. The bestseller by White Bull co-created with Ian Graham. The book is about all things happening at the exact right moment.

This time I’m not going to write about the elementals.

I have just been reading the latest newsletter by Tom and Judy Kenyon. In short it states that at this very moment there is more chaos around us than ever before. We are at the crossroads of choosing between walking the well-paved paths or to go off the beaten track.

For decades I had jobs that didn’t satisfy me but paid me good money. At least the money enabled me to do things I did enjoy. Some 10 years ago I changed tack completely by devoting myself to a practice in counseling and massaging. It didn’t really offer prospects of making enough money, but at least I was doing something I loved doing. In the end the practice never really thrived. While I was pondering on the idea whether I should continue or just give up my practice, my mother asked me if she could come and live with me. A decision relating to her age and our government’s plans regarding care for elderly people. The choice, whether I should continue or give up my practice, was basically made for me since my practice is situated on the ground floor of my house; the same space as where my mother would like to live.

So what am I going to do next? I don’t want to go back to jobs that pay well, but don’t make me happy. I really don’t want this anymore nor CAN I anymore. I would love to finally sing my soul’s song. I do want to go off the beaten track.

Yet, the well-paved paths offers me security, I’m telling myself. There is only money left for 3 more months and that is it. Please, there has got to be SOMETHING for me to do. As you can see, I still don’t have an awful lot of faith in the cosmic plan.

Despite all my efforts to find a job in an environment I would love to work in, I’m not successful. I’m either too old, too much experience, too expensive or I simply don’t get a reply at all. Time and time again, it’s back to the drawing board. And as I am about to give up, a job comes along that sounds too good to be true. Yeeha ….. until I’m being told what the salary is like. An additional condition to get the job is to do a study that is totally irrelevant, yet one has to do it. Am I that arrogant? Is my ego still enormous? Or do I love myself enough to not put up with this shit anymore?  I have had it with all these terms and conditions. I don’t want to feel like a slave on a galley.

Love oneself. I’m a highly sensitive person as well: loyal, honourable, modest, desire to help others, trouble standing up for myself, avoid confrontations, wanting peace and joy. You all know most of these characteristics. Unfortunately these features often work against you while being employed. I know, I let it happen, but this damned loyalty and integrity get in the way all the time.

I find myself at the crossroads. Will I take the well-paved path of false security  again. Will I be led by society that dictates – especially now - one has to accept any job, no matter what? You do want to overcome your financial crisis, don’t you?

How much longer will I hop on this merry-go-round?

The time is now. Just go off the beaten track! Surrender to the divine plan.

I take a couple of deep breaths and there I am, jumping into the abyss.

For a brief moment there is this little voice again: what if God takes a sabbatical at this very moment and he forgot to appoint someone to take over his chores? Oh s… I remember: I simply have to let go and have complete confidence.  I think I am going to send my constraining thoughts and mistrust on a holiday to some deserted island for a long time.

I’ll be seeing you in wonderland.